Written by Joëlle Rabu August 2021 for a guest talk at Unity Centre of Vancouver Island
Perception of time: Henry VanDyke once said: “Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”
The perception of love and time had me trying to rationalize actions, thoughts, events in my life, especially the ones over the past decade. Must be what happens when you enter your 6th decade.
Perhaps I went down that rabbit hole because so much occurred that was out of the ordinary and out of my control in my day-to-day life. I was suddenly paying attention to the finer details; the full trash can; the frayed threads on cloths, the background noise. I saw everything unfolding in slow motion.
It was the slowest decade of my life, yet the moments were so … swift.
In the past decade I have gone from being a daughter, to being an orphan and then being an adoptee.
I have gone from being a spouse after 30 years of marriage to being a widow.
I also went from being single, to entering into another relationship as a spouse,…revisiting dizzying intense love …to suddenly revisiting dizzying, intense grief, and being alone again.
In that 10-year journey, being jostled in that mixed bag of emotions, I came to realize that Shift Happens.
In that Shift, Time took on a new meaning for me. There were days when I didn’t have enough time as I was working against looming stressful deadlines. There were days when I could not wait for the next day to come in anticipation of a new and exciting project. And there were days when I wished the day would end so I could try to move on again when overtaken by a wave of despondency.
The past decade brought me to Haida Gwaii. It was the perfect escape really. I had just lost my husband of 30 years, whose bipolar disorder over the last 8 years of our marriage had fractured our family, our hearts and to some extent our minds.
Funny how shift happens when you need it most.
For 3 decades, my role had been wife and mother. My identity had been singer, performer. But all that ceased to be when I was offered to put my creativity, and my past knowledge of the tourism industry, to the test. Through a colleague, I was told about the Haida Nation on Haida Gwaii. A small nation that has lived on an archipelago of more than 150 islands, about 100 klm south of Alaska, since time immemorial.
The Haida nation had worked for years to discontinue the sport of trophy bear hunting brought in by settlers. In Haida culture, Taan, bear, is a protector, not food, not a game. And in Haida culture, you don’t kill what you don’t intend to eat. After years of protesting, the Nation decided to buy the very lodge that was performing the insult. I’m sure you see the irony of the Haida buying back their own land in order to respect and implement what they had been taught by their Elders.
I was given the key to the building, and the responsibility of the 8 acres to do the right thing.
I examined the benefits of cultural tourism, no one was really selling that on Haida Gwaii. They were selling mostly logging and sports fishing. I dove deep into producing a resort that would welcome the world and all of its demands for certain service standards, all the while ensuring sustainability for the communities, respect for the land, minimalizing the footprint and training the next managers for the tourism industry.
The first thing I did was tear up my personal playbook. I didn’t say ‘this is how things are supposed to be done in the tourism world’. Instead, I asked questions and listened. Advice was given to me by one of the oldest citizens there. Serge was 100 when he passed, but years before, when I asked him for advice, he simply said “ Keep your ears open and your mouth shut”.Funny, because a younger friend of mine there, told me what his Nanaay, grandmother used to say “If your lips are moving, your ears aren’t listening”.During my 8 years on Haida Gwaii, I feel that my life was enriched way more than what I feel I delivered to the actual job as general manager of the resort.
I learned that if you’re invited for dinner at 6pm, you might eat by 10pm…. Took some getting used to as mealtime in my French family of award-winning chefs was respected to the minute for fear of being court-martialed.
I learned that what the outside of your house looks like does not necessarily reflect what is going on in the inside. I see here in suburban places of BC, some real pretty houses with clean manicured yards: beautiful on the outside but inside, the rooms are sad, hollow, the families disconnected.
I also learned that you don’t necessarily get back what you put into life. Sometimes you get more.
I learned that Elders are the most valuable asset in a community. There are only a few long-term care beds for the elderly on Haida Gwaii. When you’re old and you need help, you go with those whom you once helped, and you give them the opportunity (because that’s what it is: an opportunity) to thank you in return by caring for them.
I learned that an Elder who was Kwakiutl married to a Haida, had been raised in a Residential school in Alert Bay and she was left-handed…. Until the age of 7, when a nun broke her fingers to make her write with her right hand.
I learned that you need green alder to make the best smoke-house fire.I also learned you need a lot of patience to keep that smoke going just right for the ocean’s gifts that are hanging on the sticks above.
I learned that saying things right is important. That lazy speech is disrespectful. And that’s probably because of the fine, almost imperceptible differences between K ‘K and K in Haida. But say that K wrong and you will have to explain whether you meant to say the sealion the apple or blood.
I learned that there’s truth in Einstein’s saying about genius: “Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
I met some of the wisest people I’ve ever met on Haida Gwaii, some of the most talented artists: quiet, unassuming, who did their art for their culture, for their ancestors. It was not just fulfilling some personal need to create, or make a living, it was fulfilling the need to share, to communicate to ensure that the oral history was kept intact, unbroken and truthful.
I think of the hundreds of years of oppression, colonialism and hatred inflicted upon the Haida and more than 630 Indigenous Nation communities in Canada and I am in awe of the resurgence, largely by the youth, of the art, the languages, the history, reclaiming IDENTITY.
I met a few passionate geniuses there, working on restorative justice and the Haida laws.
Perception of Genius: Is it intelligence or is it talent set on fire by courage?
Courage is mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.
I have travelled through 50 countries, and I can say with certainty, there are so many Indigenous cultures in the world from whom we could learn how to live respectfully, meditate honestly, share wisely, eat ethically, work intelligently, communicate effectively, agree unconditionally.
I could go on and on about what I learned from my Haida friends, staff and family. I was honoured with adoption into the K’aadas ga Kiigawaay, Wolf-Raven clan of T’aanu. I learned some of the protocols such as introducing myself: Jaada k’aajuu Gaaya haanu dii kiiga ga. Ildagwaay dii aw uu iijan.
The one thing about my time on Haida Gwaii that does continue to resurface, is the perception of so many of the visitors who came to Haida Gwaii. Some had some rather interesting opinions about the First Nations of Canada. Many had no idea of the history. Their perception was based on what had been written over a century ago.
“When the school is on the reserve the child lives with its parents, who are savages; he is surrounded by savages, and though he may learn to read and write, his habits, and training and mode of thought are Indian. He is simply a savage who can read and write. It has been strongly pressed on myself, as the head of the Department, that Indian children should be withdrawn as much as possible from the parental influence, and the only way to do that would be to put them in central training industrial schools where they will acquire the habits and modes of thought of white men.” [Speech delivered by PM John A MacDonald House of Commons Debates, 5th Parliament, 1st Session, 1107-1108 (9 May 1883)]
Recommended reading: The Inconvenient Indian. Medicine Unbundled. 12 Things you may not know about the Indian Act. They Called me Number One. Along the Knife’s Edge.
These books and others were valuable conduits to widening my perspectives. And from my point of view, Perception is 9/10th of the Flaw.
In terms of science: Perception is a physiological process through which everything in this world is interpreted and understood. And our perception is based on our thoughts, beliefs and behaviours – which then define the way we think, and therefore the way we act.
Our perceptions are based on educated guesses that we make while interpreting sensory information. These hypotheses are “informed” by a number of factors: including our personalities, experiences, and expectations. We use these hypotheses to establish our perceptual conventions.
But there are consequences to perceptions: When individuals have a preconceived perception of a given person or situation it will very well result in their expectations becoming a reality.
Identifying and understanding the way the brain processes information is a very beneficial tool in better understanding the cognitive mind.
The perception process has three stages: sensory stimulation and selection, organization, and interpretation. Although we are rarely conscious of going through these stages distinctly, they nonetheless determine how we develop images of the world around us.
And then there is the issue of how racism and stereotypes can hijack perception:
Among neuroscientists, it’s increasingly popular to think of the brain, not as a passive organ that receives and reacts to stimuli, but as more of an interference machine: something that actively strives to predict what’s out there and what’s going to happen, maximizing the chances of staying alive.
I believe that the body and the brain work in tandem to generate our perception of the world.
Nico, my son composes underscore music for scenes on stage or the screen, his musical choices can dictate whether we, the audience, start to feel anxiety, thus activating our heart rate and becoming more aware; or his musical choice can dictate a warm and fuzzy feeling of empathy for the character or the situation. The images are the same, but our perception is being steered by an outside source.
Racism, bias, discrimination: Studies have linked perceived racism to psychological distress via certain coping strategies in several different racial and ethnic groups. Coping strategies such as addiction, lateral violence, emotional detachment.Think of the generations of Indigenous people who are being told daily in various ways to: ‘get over it’, ‘it’s in the past’, ‘time to move forward’.
Think of statements like ‘I don’t see colour’, or responding to someone saying Black Lives Matter with “All Lives Matter”, although these types of statements are less obvious, they are hurtful because they invalidate other people’s experiences and shut down the possibility of moving forward by having a conversation.
And use of the word tolerance can at times feel pejorative. Perhaps kinder words could be: to understand, to educate or to appreciate… instead of to tolerate.
As an example of racist perception: I would like to touch on my 4-year relationship with Patrick, the man with whom I fell in love while living on Haida Gwaii. He was a wonderful Haida man, an artist of exquisite talent, a gentle soul with a wicked sense of humour and justice and a profound ability to love.
Now, one must visualize this man to appreciate my next segue. Patrick walked with a straight-back, very slowly, almost engraving his every step into the ground. He had long hair to his waist, tied in a braid, dark skin, he always wore a cap with a Native design, he was quiet and had a keen eye for detail.
Browsing through a Walmart in Prince Rupert, our first department store outing, and our first time off island together, Patrick was walking ahead towards a different department. I was about to join him minutes later, when I noticed someone following him, a store clerk. My curiosity got the better of me. I decided to observe from a distance. For a solid 10 minutes, I witnessed the store clerk eyeing him up and down the aisles, following him, and going up to him twice, asking if he needed help finding something. Both times, Patrick politely answered, “No thank you, just looking”. Yet the clerk maintained a firm gaze on Patrick, while maintaining a very close distance. I finally wanted to see what would happen if I deliberately interfered. I walked up to Patrick and grabbed his hand, landing a kiss on his cheek, saying ‘Find anything honey?’. I looked over to the store clerk and watched them turn around abruptly and walk with so called ‘purpose’ to another department.
I asked Patrick if he was aware he had been watched by security for the past 10 minutes. He answered “Happens all the time.”
My white skin, my European features garnered absolutely no interest from this clerk as I browsed the aisles. Yet Patrick’s face labelled him immediately. Perception is 9/10th of the Flaw.
On a lighter note about Patrick and how he perceived things in comparison to me, was when, after we had been together for over a year, I wanted to plan a vacation getaway for us. I asked him how he’d feel about going to Mexico for a couple of weeks. He paused, reflecting, and answered “I don’t know how I’d feel, I’ve never been there. Sure, let’s go.” A clear case of mean what you say and say what you mean. I miss this human so very much.
In closing I’d like to refer to my previous writing titled Shift Happens, which I wrote in the new year of 2021. (available on the separate page: https://joellerabu.com/shift-happens/ )
I can only hope that shift will happen when it comes to our collective perceptions and racism; perceptions and behaviours; perceptions and prejudice.
One can only hope…ah but then Hope is Passive…One can only Act.